Unfortunately we live in a society now where depression is everywhere you look. If we think about it, the world is increasingly designed to depress us. We are constantly looking for more, searching for better things but if we were happy then surely we wouldn't need to continue to try to better ourselves, constantly trying to prove and trick people into thinking that our lives are perfect. Never expect perfection.
But what is it really like to have depression?
Cry, because it gives you some sort of sense you're still alive - your heart is aching and your head is pounding but for no other reason than just because.
Never can explain this feeling, never will fully understand why it's there and why it hurts so much?! There is pain, pain that you can't escape. There is no physical wound but yet there's a gaping hole in your chest, gradually getting bigger and deeper until eventually it becomes numb.
Your mind is dark and messy like a puzzle with missing pieces, like a bird without wings, like a clock with no hands. It just doesn't work.
Yet every day you have to smile, because trying to explain to someone why it hurts when you don't even know why yourself is the hardest part of it all. It's easier to say you're fine when in reality screaming deep down inside is save me.
About this art work.
I draw depression because it's a lot easier to portray and explain than to sit and talk about. This piece of art work I recognise a lot of myself in it. As soon as I was locked away in my bedroom, curtains drawn and no one to see me, I'd sit and cry, cry myself to sleep, cuddling into myself trying to forget and block out all the crazy thoughts running in my mind. My tears were numb. My whole body was numb and broken.
I could never truly understand why I was so sad and hated myself everyday I felt sad because I still had a roof over my head, warm food every night. There was nothing in my life worth hurting over but yet I still did. I was always angry with myself.
You don't want to kill yourself, you just want the hurt to go away.
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